Brain Dumpin' and Poetry

I'm frazzled today with work, so I can't remember what I wanted to post about. Instead, you get whatever weird crap happens to come to mind! Wheeee!

An article about women faking orgasms. With other links inside! Links within links! A rabbit hole of fake orgasms!

I'm always hesitant to talk about my job on the INTERNET, because while I am a huge fan of dooce.com and would not at all mind making my living blogging (who wouldn't?), I would rather not start out the way she did... which was that she blogged about work, was discovered, and fired. Eeek.

But! Here we go anyway.

I do tech support, which I am not a fan of doing, but it pays more than the things I'd rather be doing, which are, in no particular order:

1. Nothing.
2. Writing inane crap.
3. Playing with puppies and/or kitties.
4. Breeding hamsters.
5. Sleeping.

Unfortunately, even though I could sort of mold at least one of those into an actual job (work at a pet store, which I used to do, and mostly enjoyed), it would not pay enough for me to continue my current, um... how do they put it in divorce cases? Quality of living? I'm a Woman in Debt, and I feel I pay my penance for such irresponsible spending in my youth by now working miserable jobs.

MY POINT IS

I am now taking applications for the position of Sugar Daddy. No sex guaranteed, but I will make you lots and lots of cookies in exchange for large sums of money with which I can pay off my debts.

No wait, that wasn't it...

I have written some poetry regarding my work woes, and I like to call them Helpdesk Hate Haikus. There are a couple that are specific to certain users in my company, so those I'll keep to myself, but here's some generos for you:

If email is down
Stop trying to email me
to tell me it's down.

(no really, that happened at my last job.)

You think you're crucial
A monkey could do your job
Try to get a grip.

(as I like to say: you're not Jack Bauer. What you do is not crucial to life or national safety.)

It's out of toner
Just put in some damn toner
You don't need Helpdesk.

(it's one thing if your printer stops working and you don't know why. It's another entirely when you know you're out of toner, but you expect someone else to walk all the way over there and pick up a toner and put it in your printer for you. It's not rocket science.)

Don't type with caps lock
Everyone will think you're dumb
It looks like yelling.

(a lot of people at this company do data entry in all caps. They frequently fail to take the quarter-second necessary to tap that CAPS LOCK key once before putting in a ticket, thus sending tickets that look very much like this: MY COMPUTOR ISTN WORKING PLEASE HELP URGNET.)

Anyone else want to try their hand at some workplace haiku? It's therapeutic!