I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow, and I plan to take The Ethical Slut with me, so I should finally have time to read it. I'll feel a bit weird reading it on the plane, but I suppose that I'm going to feel weird reading it in my parents' house, too, so I will just embrace the weird.
So I have promised a few times to tell this story, and now I feel like it's been built up a bit and will disappoint. Please forget I ever mentioned this before, and let's pretend this is new! and fresh! and a surprise! The story of the time I was a horrible human being and I still feel bad even though both people have forgiven me, even the one I was the jerkiest to, because he is an awesome dude.
Several years ago (I think 5ish?), I spent a weekend in Seattle - I was living on the Eastside then. I met two guys, both of whom were younger and pretty cute. They both made me laugh. They both seemed to like me. They were roommates and best friends.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Stigma-tism
The word "stigma" always makes me think of astigmatism. Is there a stigma about astigmatism? I know there's still a bit of one about online dating.
"Online dating"... makes it sound like you're doing the dating online, which is usually not the case when someone mentions it. Generally they're referring to one of the many sites out there set up to help people meet dates/partners/lovers/whatever: match, okcupid, eharmony, etc.
I've already mentioned that I have used okcupid in the past. For the most part, I just sort of poke at it, message a few people here and there, but rarely actually meet dudes I chat with. I grow bored with them quickly, or they didn't interest me in the first place, or I just decide that I really don't want to be bothered with dating after all. It's exhausting and especially in the last year or so, I've really enjoyed being single. I have dated, sure, but casually. I haven't felt the need to go places with someone, to hold hands in public, to text someone about his day or to say goodnight. I liked not checking in with anyone when I wanted to make plans; not sharing my bed; not worrying about shaving my legs; not fretting that if I eat that macaroni and cheese, I will be tooting the evening away.
Now I have a boyfriend.
"Online dating"... makes it sound like you're doing the dating online, which is usually not the case when someone mentions it. Generally they're referring to one of the many sites out there set up to help people meet dates/partners/lovers/whatever: match, okcupid, eharmony, etc.
I've already mentioned that I have used okcupid in the past. For the most part, I just sort of poke at it, message a few people here and there, but rarely actually meet dudes I chat with. I grow bored with them quickly, or they didn't interest me in the first place, or I just decide that I really don't want to be bothered with dating after all. It's exhausting and especially in the last year or so, I've really enjoyed being single. I have dated, sure, but casually. I haven't felt the need to go places with someone, to hold hands in public, to text someone about his day or to say goodnight. I liked not checking in with anyone when I wanted to make plans; not sharing my bed; not worrying about shaving my legs; not fretting that if I eat that macaroni and cheese, I will be tooting the evening away.
Now I have a boyfriend.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Almost Weekend!
It's Friday. I don't have much to share. I still haven't had a spare moment to crack open The Ethical Slut and really start delving into my poly "research." I also haven't had time to put together the story I want to tell about the time I was a completely selfish bitch and tried to date roommates.
So what I will do instead is continue the penis trend and share this comic from Penny Arcade that the Swede just sent me. August: Penis Month.
So what I will do instead is continue the penis trend and share this comic from Penny Arcade that the Swede just sent me. August: Penis Month.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Cheerleader Syndrome
I have been slacking at actual posts with whole sentences and paragraphs and such lately!
I feel like I've been on quite the penis kick lately (ow, penis kick), but rather than apologize and find a new topic, I'm just going to ride it out (heyoooo). There's a phenomenon I refer to as "Cheerleader Syndrome." It's when a girl who has been exceedingly pretty and has been told she's beautiful her whole life never develops a personality past what it takes to look good. Obviously, not all pretty girls are personality-free, because as I've pointed out before, I don't know any ladies who aren't pretty. But you know the type, surely. Her whole life has been about looking her best, being gorgeous, smiling and batting her eyelashes, and... not much else. She's pretty. She gets attention no matter what comes out of her mouth. These are the women who grow up to be trophy wives.
Well, there's a guy equivalent. I don't just mean attractive men who don't have a brain cell to spare, though the "Cheerleader Syndrome" surely affects men as well. Hell, I like to tell my cat that it's okay when he's dumb, because he's so damn pretty yes he is ooooh who's a pretty cat? (what? as if you don't talk to your pets like an idiot?) I mean the Big Dick issue.
I feel like I've been on quite the penis kick lately (ow, penis kick), but rather than apologize and find a new topic, I'm just going to ride it out (heyoooo). There's a phenomenon I refer to as "Cheerleader Syndrome." It's when a girl who has been exceedingly pretty and has been told she's beautiful her whole life never develops a personality past what it takes to look good. Obviously, not all pretty girls are personality-free, because as I've pointed out before, I don't know any ladies who aren't pretty. But you know the type, surely. Her whole life has been about looking her best, being gorgeous, smiling and batting her eyelashes, and... not much else. She's pretty. She gets attention no matter what comes out of her mouth. These are the women who grow up to be trophy wives.
Well, there's a guy equivalent. I don't just mean attractive men who don't have a brain cell to spare, though the "Cheerleader Syndrome" surely affects men as well. Hell, I like to tell my cat that it's okay when he's dumb, because he's so damn pretty yes he is ooooh who's a pretty cat? (what? as if you don't talk to your pets like an idiot?) I mean the Big Dick issue.
Friday, August 5, 2011
New Drinking Game Proposal
Oh, there are so many reasons I love this video. The first line? "Can you hold for a second so I can show the penis?" Also, drinking game: every time someone says "penis," take a drink (10 times, for the record).
I cannot stop laughing at this, and it seemed to suit this blog, so here it is.
PENIS.
I cannot stop laughing at this, and it seemed to suit this blog, so here it is.
PENIS.
What was the REAL goal?
"it puts the lotion on its skin ok cupid 2006 new city"
This blog is the first result for that search phrase on Google. But what I really want to know is... what was this person actually hoping to find? Hey, reader, if you're still around, enlighten us? Love you!
This blog is the first result for that search phrase on Google. But what I really want to know is... what was this person actually hoping to find? Hey, reader, if you're still around, enlighten us? Love you!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
On Friendships
Have you missed me?
I've been kind of hibernating a lot lately. Re-evaluating friendships/non-romantic relationships/who I am and where I'm at. All that deep mumbo jumbo that tends to require a lot of alone time. I've been half-assedly doing this for a couple of years now, but I'm now starting to be way more selfish than ever before with my time and energy. I am the kind of person who knows a huge number of people and am always meeting more - I've reached the point where I can rarely go to any event in this city without seeing at least one person I know - but I have very few people I actually consider friends. I'd like to change that, but I'm about on par with a basement-dwelling super-nerd when it comes to talking to women.
I want to have female friends, and I know women who are delightful and I would love to be friends with them, but I totally, abjectly fail at actually accomplishing this. No, really, I am a pasty-faced, acne-ridden, terrified teenage nerdling boy on the inside. If we're emailing, I'm fine (although I probably will stick my e-foot in my e-mouth a few times). In person, though, I flounder. It's very strange - I'm completely intimidated by other women, women who seem to have their shit together, either as a whole or at least just as a female. Put me with a dude or group of dudes, I'm a-okay. I'm not scared of dudes, despite the number of guys who have hurt me, lied to me, cheated on me, etc. When things don't work out with a female friend (because I feel friendships, much like romantic relationships, can sometimes just not work out despite a promising beginning), I retreat, scared to try again. How do other women understand things like hair, makeup, fashion, shoes, so inherently? Because I do not, and I don't even care enough to try. And I often feel like a failure as a woman for that.
Anyone else like that? I can't help wondering why getting hurt by a female friend is so much harder for me to deal with and recover from than getting hurt by a romantic partner. Girls I end up being close to are girls who reach out to me, who are open with me, who generally make all the moves to generate & further the friendship, at least until I'm coaxed out of my shell.
This is the first time in well over a decade that I have lived somewhere long enough to forge deep, long-term friendships with people "in real life" (rather than over the interwebz), and I'm finding that I'm just not very good at it, at all. I do still have friends I met when I was a teen, but that was before I was scared of it all, honestly, and those interactions are now web-based since I don't live near them anymore. Maybe (very likely) I just don't know what I'm doing. Ah, the effects of being raised a military brat. Are there studies on this, perhaps? Military brats having a hard time making lasting friendships, forging true connections, etc? Or am I just lacking certain emotional capabilities that are wholly unrelated to my upbringing?
I've been kind of hibernating a lot lately. Re-evaluating friendships/non-romantic relationships/who I am and where I'm at. All that deep mumbo jumbo that tends to require a lot of alone time. I've been half-assedly doing this for a couple of years now, but I'm now starting to be way more selfish than ever before with my time and energy. I am the kind of person who knows a huge number of people and am always meeting more - I've reached the point where I can rarely go to any event in this city without seeing at least one person I know - but I have very few people I actually consider friends. I'd like to change that, but I'm about on par with a basement-dwelling super-nerd when it comes to talking to women.
I want to have female friends, and I know women who are delightful and I would love to be friends with them, but I totally, abjectly fail at actually accomplishing this. No, really, I am a pasty-faced, acne-ridden, terrified teenage nerdling boy on the inside. If we're emailing, I'm fine (although I probably will stick my e-foot in my e-mouth a few times). In person, though, I flounder. It's very strange - I'm completely intimidated by other women, women who seem to have their shit together, either as a whole or at least just as a female. Put me with a dude or group of dudes, I'm a-okay. I'm not scared of dudes, despite the number of guys who have hurt me, lied to me, cheated on me, etc. When things don't work out with a female friend (because I feel friendships, much like romantic relationships, can sometimes just not work out despite a promising beginning), I retreat, scared to try again. How do other women understand things like hair, makeup, fashion, shoes, so inherently? Because I do not, and I don't even care enough to try. And I often feel like a failure as a woman for that.
Anyone else like that? I can't help wondering why getting hurt by a female friend is so much harder for me to deal with and recover from than getting hurt by a romantic partner. Girls I end up being close to are girls who reach out to me, who are open with me, who generally make all the moves to generate & further the friendship, at least until I'm coaxed out of my shell.
This is the first time in well over a decade that I have lived somewhere long enough to forge deep, long-term friendships with people "in real life" (rather than over the interwebz), and I'm finding that I'm just not very good at it, at all. I do still have friends I met when I was a teen, but that was before I was scared of it all, honestly, and those interactions are now web-based since I don't live near them anymore. Maybe (very likely) I just don't know what I'm doing. Ah, the effects of being raised a military brat. Are there studies on this, perhaps? Military brats having a hard time making lasting friendships, forging true connections, etc? Or am I just lacking certain emotional capabilities that are wholly unrelated to my upbringing?
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