Thursday, September 29, 2011

Dreams are Scary

Last night I dreamed one of those dreams that I just feel like I have to share. In this dream, I went to a doctor because I had cramps. The doctor gave me some kind of pills, which I dutifully began taking. Not that exciting so far.

Then I was home, packing my backpack for school. I was delighted to find that my work laptop fit in my backpack perfectly! (work laptop? but I was in school? what? but this is really not that weird compared to the rest.) Then I hopped in the shower to get ready for school/work (schork?) and there I discovered: I had a penis.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

This is my morning

Peanut: the edge of my bra is poking me in the armpit. wtf is the edge of my bra even DOING in my armpit, that is the question
Peanut: this is clearly a stupidly designed bra
hussyred: true
hussyred: just take it off
Peanut: I am strongly considering it but then I'd be both saggy and nipply
Peanut: I can't really go incognito bra-less
hussyred: whatever
hussyred: free your boobs
hussyred: its like an en vogue song
Peanut: it's like 2 degrees in this office
Peanut: i would end up typing unintentionally with my nipples
hussyred: yeah, hilarity would ensue
Peanut: IM to coworker: e tihgbn !
     me: sorry. that was from my boobs.
hussyred: hahahahah
hussyred: love
Peanut: I'm sure the day would be great from there on out
hussyred: you would have admirers from afar
Peanut: I might get a raise
Peanut: ...albeit not a monetary one. *rimshot*
hussyred: NICE
Peanut: GET IT? GET IT? penis joke.
hussyred: yes, thank you for the explanation
Peanut: boss: so what have you gotten done today?
     me: well, I made a pretty good penis joke.
     boss: *high five*

     I am sure that is how that will go.
Peanut: although if we high five i might poke out his eye with a nip, so I should be careful
hussyred: you should
hussyred: eye patches galore throughout your office
Peanut: maybe we can bedazzle the eye patches later. it will be a fun team building activity.
hussyred: YES

hussyred: ugh this day suuuuucks
Peanut: well, it does NOW, because I'm out of penis jokes
hussyred: well, that's super sad
Peanut: hmm
Peanut: that doesn't work as well as "your mama" jokes does it?

Peanut: I had a msg on OKC from a dude: "would very much like to hang with a cute funny goofball like you. I'd be super pleased if you'd read my profile and let me know your thoughts."
Peanut: now with a smooth and hilarious opening like that, how could i NOT want to write him back?
Peanut: wait... does he want a business meeting? or a date?
Peanut: I'm half-tempted to write him back and say, "dude, loosen your undies and try again. you sound like you're trying to find someone to proofread your essay for English class instead of trying to get your mack on."
Genie: oh! i'm pretty sure my mom's lesbo cousin thinks you're my lesbo lover
Genie: hope that's ok with you
Peanut: totes!
Peanut: you're pretty cute and we have fun together
Peanut: plus you let me date other people
Genie: it's really a win/win

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Whiskey Burns

Time to get this blog back on track! Less self-exploration, more SEX STORIES! Woooo!

So while reading this one, it's probably best if you just pretend you don't actually know me. Although I suppose if nothing I've written so far has made you think less of me, nothing will, and as usual I have to ask myself if it matters. I mean... this is who I am. Sometimes I'm sweet and lovey and want nothing more than a solid, intimate, snuggley Relationship, and sometimes I'm raucous and slutty and out there. Just sort of depends on my mood and where I'm at in life, etc etc.

This story is clearly from a raucous slutty phase, although it wasn't planned. Back in the day, I was hanging out with these folks who were/are in a fire performing troupe. ("troupe" is such a weird word... sort of haughty, but also brings to mind images of dirty carnival people for some reason.) Some spun poi, some breathed fire, some did whatever else there is to do with fire. When I discovered they had not done vapor locks, I was shocked.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

On Dating

I got back on OKC a few days ago. I was a little surprised to see that the Swede had already re-joined and was making changes to his profile - we'd both deactivated our accounts, but he was saved as a "favorite" on mine from when we were first emailing, and as soon as I re-activated and logged in, OKC was all "Guess what the Swede has been up to!" Oh. Timestamped a whole 2 days after the breakup, even? Well... all right then.

Once I was done processing that information, I went ahead and started revamping my own profile. Namely, I added the following:

I am not, in fact, actively seeking a monogamous relationship. Being single is pretty rad and I quite enjoy it. That said, I'm also not looking for any kind of "friends with benefit" arrangements - that implies a lack of emotional intimacy and accountability that I find pointless. I'm also not against the idea of finding myself in a monogamous relationship, but it's not something I'm trying for or willing to rush into.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Poly, part 2

FINALLY, right?

I've had a lot going on lately, so updating this has taken a backseat. Especially since when lots is going on, my brain becomes Grand Central Station and I'm lucky if I can form coherent sentences, much less write blog posts that anyone would care to read. But here I am with a little time on my hands, and a few topics rolling around in my noggin.

The Ethical Slut... I cracked it open on vacation, and while I haven't yet finished it, I do have some preliminary thoughts. I'd say I'm about halfway through, and I haven't stopped reading for lack of interest - just information overload because I'm learning a shit ton of new stuff at work and my poor little brain just wants a break when I get home.

Time for a list! My impressions thus far...

Monday, September 12, 2011


BobGinger: As I'm researching polyamory, I'm also definitely leaning toward "interesting, but not for me." Every time I'm out there playing the field, I've noticed once I meet someone I'm really interested in, I'm suddenly less likely to flirt with anyone else, even if I had been previously. I just don't seem to have the energy for more than one person at a time. Having 2 cats in my home was like a little metaphorical test run. I was constantly torn on which cat to pay attention to... the one that's in a new place and scared, or the one that needs to be comforted that I am not replacing him?

Mrs. H: I have some moral objections to it, but beyond that I just don't think my emotions are even remotely built that way.

BobGinger: There are parts that appeal to me... I'm scared of committing to the "wrong" person, so this would allow me to find others who might fill the needs my partner does not, it doesn't entirely but does largely remove the fear of cheating, and I really like my alone time, so the Partner Time would be nice and spread out; however, when I want attention, I want ALL the attention (CLEAN ALL THE THINGS). And I know I would regularly wonder, does he like her better than me?

But I am totally fascinated. I actually know people who have been in poly-committed relationships for a decade or more, and are happy and successful and loving. It blows my little mind.

Mrs. H: I have not known any of those... I've known the one partner wants it so the other goes along and then everything blows up and destroys everyone sort.

BobGinger: I guess in one way, writing this blog is opening my mind. I feel like a little unofficial sociologist. I've always been fascinated by all the different types of relationships and personal interactions.

Mrs. H: nice. You should have business cards made.

BobGinger: "totally amateur and untrained sociologist who makes semi-educated guesses at things based on limited experiences and a rather narrow field of personal research. for hire."

Mrs. H: that might be a little long for a card.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Been a while

I was in a relationship for a minute there, and it got sort of weird. He had found my blog, and enjoyed most of it, but the bits about exes bothered him. And other bits bothered him. Things started bothering him. So I decided to move the blog - I thought to myself, I am not going to stop writing (and he insisted he did not want me to), but this way he is not tempted to read things that we both know will end up... well, bothering him.

Then we broke up. I'd already done all this work to move the blog, so it's staying moved. I know the temptation to e-stalk an ex is very strong, and so I want to keep this world separate from my other, more public worlds. I don't want this one and the other one linked in any way.

Oh, the breakup. Yes. Well. He was/is a great guy. Very similar sense of humor to my own, very sweet, very goofy. Made me laugh, made me feel totally comfortable being my absolute self almost all the time. I joked a few times that he is "me with a penis." The problem is that it turns out he's more like me from a few years ago, rather than now. He went through a really awful bad no-good very painful breakup just a year ago, and it was a really long-term "thought this was the one" kind of relationship. He thought he was totally over it and healed and stuff. While I do think he's over her, it became apparent to both of us rather quickly that he was not over the pain it all caused him. He became very insecure, which I'm sure we all know from personal experience leads to clinginess, neediness, general flailing and whining... all that really unattractive stuff.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Forgotten Blog

Still being found by Google with some awesome search phrases:

"sugar daddy no sex" - ah yes, searching for the golden ticket, I see!

ahhh mmmm sexxxxxxxx - that's an awful lot of x's!

tony huffins + cheerleading - I don't know who Tony Huffins is, but I hope this person enjoyed my blog anyway.