Upstairs, trying to do my job but mostly moving around in a 2-foot space, I just stumbled over my own feet. Twice. I dropped a box. I tried to go up the wrong stairs (and needed to be going down). I mistyped and had to correct at least 1/3 of the words in this post so far.
Who spiked my water?? And can you please at least spike it enough that I am having fun instead of just bumbling around like a blind water buffalo at a swap meet? THAAAAAAAANKS.
-note: I feel I should point out that I started writing this yesterday, so it was yesterday that I was wtf-water-drunk. Best part? I even got a weird no-seriously-who-spiked-this hangover by the afternoon. This resulted in me going to Target after work and spending too much money on things like yoga mats (I am going to DO YOGA and STRETCH because that will make EVERYTHING BETTER) and water flavor thingies (I will drink water! and it will cure my headache! because I'm apparently hung the fuck over for no damn reason!).
It's okay, Internet. I'm better today. Let's make a list! Wheeee!
1. Love: leaving work early on a Friday. (and at the moment, it's sunny out, though I'm afraid to tell you that in case the sun hears me and runs away. The sun is shy here.) Hate: leaving to go to the dentist. My gums hurt in anticipation.
2. Love: water flavor thingies. Hate: getting harassed about using water flavor thingies. Look, people, Crystal Light and now Mio have enabled me to give up soda (outside of bars) and make me drink more water. So shove it, right in your boring water-flavored water.
3. Love: space heaters! Hate: having to use them in June.
4. Love: that happy relaxed friendly feeling I get when I drink. No more anxiety! Yay! Hate: that icky swirly feeling I get if I drink too much. Oh hai, anxiety, I see you were just hiding behind that corner over there and now you'd like to make me worry about the things I'm saying and doing and also maybe I might barf later and that worries me too! Also hate: the hangover.
5. Love: my cat! Hate: litter box smells. He has 2 favorite times for pooping big smelly poops: about 10 minutes after someone new comes over ("Welcome to our home! Just so you know, IT IS MINE AND YOU SHOULD LEAVE"), and about 5 seconds after I sit down to eat dinner ("oh, I'm sorry, were you going to eat that? Because it looks and smells WAY more delicious than what you feed me so I think I will just take that whole experience down a few pegs for ya.").
6. Love: sleeping! It's one of the things in life that I absolutely suck at, but enjoy anyway (things include: pool, bicycling, drawing, and Angry Birds). Hate: mornings. What is WRONG with my face in the mornings? And why do I smell like that? What has been going on in my mouth all night that it tastes that way?
7. Love: meeting someone new and feeling that weird physical pull toward him/her, and the feeling of that first kiss and all the happy wonder that comes after, and that drop in the gut that says, this kissing is good, it should continue for some time. Hate: when that first kiss does not, in fact, cause any kind of gut drop and instead just makes you want to wipe your face off and find something to talk about so s/he doesn't try to kiss you again. separate hate: when the "happy wonder" fades and reality sets in and it's not the reality you'd hoped for and then there's no more kissing. OH MAN WHAT A DOWNER
8. Love: payday! Hate: working/bills/un-fun things that take my money. Grrr, un-fun things! Can't you be free? Can't I pay you in cookies? Cookies will make you fun! No matter what My Drunk Kitchen says, there are SO MANY fun things about cookies!
9. Love: mah bicycle! Hate: still being so out of shape that going uphill is not fun. Come on, heart, I've been working you! Can't you get stronger already? Do you need spinach and a peppy song? Because I will do that for you.
10. Love: Blogging! Hate: Hmm... I don't have one for this. YAY! BTW, Dooce and Miss Doxie. ....watch out ladies because I have full intentions of elbowing my way into the Awesome Internet Ladies Club and then we will all drink wine and talk about your awesome dogs and your amazing husbands and my cat because I don't care what you say MY CAT IS FAAAAAAAABULOUS. (It's Pride weekend, I gotta represent for my big gay fluffy-butt friend. Plus I'm pretty sure you can't lick your own nose like this.)