Monday, June 20, 2011

Caring about Crazy

First of all, can I just say - who knew sleeping was so difficult?? I recently bought myself a lovely sleep mask, because the longer days are GLORIOUS but totally interrupt my morning snoozes. Then last night I popped in earplugs as an experiment.

Does anyone else hear weird noise when they put in earplugs? Is my brain THAT weird? When I plug those bastards in, I hear an odd sort of humming sound, that pulses. I'm pretty certain I'm hearing my own blood careening around in my veins. What the eff. It's LOUD, people. Almost louder than the all the street/bus traffic noise I'm trying to block out. Is that normal? Is my blood just... extra loud? Like, maybe I have THX-quality blood?

In any case, sleeping in earplugs isn't terribly comfortable because I'm a side-sleeper, and no amount of light- and sound-blocking sleep aid equipment is any kind of match for an insistent cat batting you in the nose and meowing as loudly as he can directly into your face. "I WANT TO BE UNDER THE COVERS NOW BUT ONLY FOR A FEW MINUTES AND THEN I WANT OUT AGAIN OKAY? OKAAAY?!? WAAAKE UUUUP!!!"

The point is, I'm extraordinarily tired right now. Having things in place that were supposed to help me not sleep like an idiot, as I normally do and have done for years (oh hai depression, YOU SUCK), seems to have prompted my feline pal to try that much harder to get my attention every couple of hours. All night. With some increase in persistence starting around 4am. Ouch.

I was... hmm. What was I...? Oh! I was going to tell a dating-related story here, because I've wandered away from that topic lately. So now, dear Internet, let's wander back!

It's been almost a year since I broke up with the last guy I could actually call "boyfriend." For a good couple of months afterward, I didn't date anyone else; hell, I didn't even kiss anyone save for one generically named Mike Smith character who was visiting in town from LA and had curly hair and a baseball cap and who never called (are we surprised?) despite telling me how often he's in town for various things.

MIKE SMITH IF YOU ARE READING THIS... Um. Nothing, I guess. You were nice and all but didn't make my toes curl with your kisses, so I don't actually care that much!

So. I broke up with the boyfriend on the 4th of July (ouch), and I don't recall having another interest until sometime in the fall. I reeeeeeally want to tell stories about this last boyfriend, because as I'm sure you can guess by that giant (for me) gap in my boy-chasing timeline, I was a bit scarred from the whole experience, short though it was. We started dating in mid-May of 2010, broke up 4th of July.

The problem is... even though he's crazy, even though I honestly believe something in his brain is actually broken and he needs professional help in a big way... I feel weird telling the story. Because it would come across like I'm making fun of him, and sure, a lot of what he said and did pretty much blew my mind and if it hadn't happened to me, I'd think someone was making it up, but...

Internet, he's a sweet guy. A really sweet guy with a kind heart who absolutely 100% genuinely cared about me. So I can't do that to him. Those of you who know me in "real life" know the stories, and know how mind-boggling he can be, but I feel bad whenever those things come up because whenever I see him, still, all I want to do is give him a hug like he's a puppy instead of a grown man.

I will say that he's the one who gave me the eye twitches that I mentioned in my first post of all time ever. Maybe someday there will be enough distance for me to tell those stories without feeling like I'm making fun of a baby bird that can't fly, but not yet.

So anticlimactic post? I now bring you to a close. Feel free to pepper me with future post ideas, because between my cat and my surround-sound blood pumpin', my brain is suffering from this lack of sleep thing and can't zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


  1. pepper pepper pepper pepper (my god i can't type "pepper" today, it took me way too long to repeat it four times...)

  2. I *hate* putting ear plugs in because of the noises I hear. It sounds very "whoosh"-y, and all I can think about is that noise. I can block out most external sounds, but not the internal stuff.

    When I was little, one of my parents told me that it was the sound of air molecules hitting my ear drums. I don't know if it's true or not, but that's what I always think of.

  3. Unfortunately, I've had to sleep with earplugs in almost every day since there is construction going on next to my building... and sleeping during the day doesn't help. The noise of the earplugs is definitely better than that of a 'beep-beep-beep' of construction vehicles backing up.

    Of course, on the off-work nights my cat will wake me sometime between 3-4am saying, "Hey, it's been a very short time since you fed me... I'm hungry again!"

  4. One thing that really helped me sleep well when the sun started rising earlier is black out curtains. Those are amazing! The don't block 100% of the light, but it's much much better. Without them I was waking up when the sun started to rise and I felt like crap.

    Goto target and buy some black out curtains.