There's a webcomic called Sinfest that I love and have been reading for years. In this comic, there's a realm called the "Reality Zone." When these comic characters wander into this area, they become real people. Sometimes they think it's kind of fun, other times it ruins them. Depression, taxes, growing old, etc.
I bring this up because Desk and I have decided to just be friends. Not for lack of attraction on either side, or for lack of liking one another... it's because we live in different realms. He is firmly in the Reality Zone, and I'm defiantly remaining in the comic character area.
You can only stand at the border, reaching across just far enough to touch one another for so long. Sooner or later, you have to face the fact that to continue the relationship, you can't stand still - one of you needs to step into the other's domain. If neither party is willing, you walk away.
If I were to step over into the Reality Zone, I already know the result: sobbing helplessly in the fetal position, unable to do anything about any of the crap that has suddenly weighed me down. I don't have the time or energy to pick myself up from that, not again. Glee fans? I AM FULL OF ENNUI. I am.
I'm just not ready to give in to the ennui. Not on any even remotely regular basis (oh god this post is pretty serious I think I'm getting hives). Making people laugh is a defense mechanism, and it also gives me bouts of personal satisfaction and happiness. Take a look at some of the funniest people you know... they've got some fuckin' demons, man.
Sure, this situation is sad. It definitely felt like it could have become something real... but I'm too scared to step over that boundary and let my swirling thoughts break free of the walls of humor I've spent so long building up. Seriously, guys... Desk has a freakin' adorable nose that I already miss a lil bit. Weird, right? I've never in my life been so attracted to a guy's nose. I'm not into noses. I think they're kind of icky, although the word is fun to say. Nose nose nose.
SERIOUS POST DONE
I feel like I should make this up to you! What was I thinking, getting all EMOTIONAL on you?? How about this... odd places to have sex! A list!
1. back seat of a car. Sure, it's totally common, but it's still weird. Seat belt pluggy thing in your back, anyone?
2. front seat of a car. Probably still pretty common, but awkward as hell, especially if you've got a console in between the seats. And now someone's gonna get the seat belt pluggy thing in the knee. OUCH.
3. gondola at a ski resort. Kinda cool to "do it" so high up on the mountains, above the snow, grateful that the gondolas around you are empty. Trying to work around your snowboard boots/pants/jackets is a little tricky.
4. a port-o-potty outside a church event. Okay, didn't have sex there, but sort of gave my first blowjob there. I say "sort of" because I think the thing was in my mouth for all of a second, really. I was 13 or 14. It was weird. I remember him afterward bragging that he "ate a taco" and thinking how gross that sounded, and he was also only down there for a second or two. He more licked a taco, really.
5. a cemetery. Yep, already told this story, but come on! It's WEIRD! Especially for non-goth, non-teenager people!