Today, I learned the following:
1. They do not sell mace or pepper spray at Fred Meyer.
2. Asking if they do causes me to lower my voice and feel mildly scandalous, like I'm asking where they stock THE GIANT PURPLE DILDOS.
3. After you're done filling your tire with Fix-a-Flat and you start to remove the little hose, it WILL explode white foam all over the place (and on you) like a teenage boy and the homeless guy loitering nearby smoking weed will laugh at you.
These are important life lessons, people. I hope you're taking notes.