Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Too Good to be True?

Recently I've been doing some research into the concept of polyamory for a future post. It's a fascinating idea and where I live, there's quite a large community of folks who practice poly. There are all sorts of different ... arrangements, I guess would be the word, in the community. But that's all to come later!

Part of my research is poking around in the sometimes-skeezy underbelly of Craigslist personals. It's amazing the number of married folks on there posting for affairs. Sometimes they wish you to be "discrete," which quite frankly cracks me up every time.

In all this poking around, I found a fascinating post that seems too good to be true. So of course, I emailed the fella who posted it, and asked a few questions.

First, his post:

Good Day to all,

I have a proposition which many women may have never encountered, but I assure you is wonderful. I am seeking a woman that I can treat like a queen...that I can connect with emotionally and intellectually, and that I can love deeply. And there's just a little bit more that you'll find particularly intriguing...

I'm a handsome, intelligent, healthy, stable, totally sane, dd free, very well-endowed, own my own home and cars, stable income, and the like. And I have a very interesting and passionate desire that I would like to live out. to the unique part. I have always received the most satisfaction by making absolutely sure that the woman I am with is totally satisfied in every way. I derive a lot of pleasure out of knowing that she is very happy. I hope that makes some sense. I'll explain in more detail. For me, it's all about you. I happen to be very well endowed. I'm 9" and thick. I have a lot to work with and the ability to use it well. But there's this one thing.. it would be simply wonderful if I can see the woman that I love and care for completely enjoying herself on a sexual level as well . Basically, the lifestyle that I am seeking is about truly, deeply loving and caring for the woman in my life...and at the same time finding a great deal of pleasure and fun in seeing her enjoy herself with any other man that she wants. I want to care for and support a woman who is free to be with other guys all she wants. One unbreakable rule of this kind of caring and loving relationship is that I will not be allowed to sleep with anyone else but you. That's what I'm looking for in this relationship. It is intimate and caring, and there is much to share. It's a cuckold relationship...and if that is something that you would be interested in, then please let me know.

While you get the support of enjoying yourself as much as you want with anyone that you may wish, whenever you like, I will try and make sure that you are getting everything else that you need to be happy. If this sounds like a lifestyle that would work for you, then please let me know! The picture below is of me, taken about a year ago. I'm for real. My work allows me quite a bit of freedom. This is an honest and serious offer. I look forward to hearing from you. Please respond with "free" in the subject line so that I can be certain that you aren't a robot. Thank you! And good luck and peace on your searches!

He also posted a photo of his upper torso, shirtless, and ladies? He's in GOOOOOD shape. So, what's the catch here? I get some hot "well-endowed" dude to please my brains out, and I get to play around on the side? And that's not just okay, but even encouraged? I... um... hm. I'm sorry, I'm sleeping, right?

So I emailed him. "How did you discover this was something you enjoyed? What is it about this particular arrangement that appeals to you?" I told him I write a blog that frequently deals with topics of sex and relationships, and that this was the first I'd encountered of that sort of ... setup.

Today, he replied, and he's VERY polite.


How did I discover this was something I liked? I wish I had an answer, but I don't. It's just always been something that I have loved, desired, and wanted. What is it that appeals to me? It is seeing that my woman is getting pleased, taken into ecstasy, and absorbed in pleasure. It's knowing that this is MY woman that I am sharing, and that I have allowed/made this happen. I want to watch her totally absorbed in pleasure and happiness. I love it when my woman is happy and pleasured. It is hard to describe, but overall it's about wanting to know and witness and share with the woman that I love that she is being totally pleasured and taken and imbued. So, on your blog, you can simply state that there are men out there who really want to have the greatest pleasure for their partner. And that. A woman who can be completely and totally free to enjoy themselves with others, and know that they can come home to a man will always be with them through it all. How's that sound to you?

In Peace

How does that sound to me? Well... still fishy. Am I too jaded? How does it sound to YOU?

(I just remembered that a lot of people will skim this... so to be clear: I didn't email him because I'm interested in taking him up on his offer. I just emailed to ask questions because it's a curious situation. I'm researching polyamory and this, technically, falls under that topic.)


  1. There's a lot really weird overtones of "She's my property"

  2. Sounds like a bad idea. Personals, really?

  3. I agree that this person, while sounding very "yay for the lady having a good time," still manages to sound creepy and controlling with way too much emphasis on the "my" of "my lady". Nice of him to be concerned about her and all, but um... just no.

  4. "I have allowed/made this happen." Eeeeek. That creeps me out right thurr.

  5. I'm not sure what guy would want his girlfriend our wife fooling around with some other dude. That makes little sense and have a hard time believing that works long term.

  6. I wonder how much he wants to know about his lady's affairs. Like, if he wants all the details of her other relationships, or if he's just happy knowing she's out there having a good time? It's definitely a bit sketch. Unless the lady is OK with letting him think he's in control and she's "his" and all that. Which some women are totally OK with. To each her own, and all that.

  7. I'm in a relationship like this. Nearly to the letter. He recognizes that he is the one I want, the one I married, the one I would forsake all others to be with. For whatever reason, he finds it erotic (a turn on) for me to be with other people. I can't speak for what is inside his head, frankly it doesn't make sense to me, but I have indulged that fantasy of his on occasion. I'm not 100% comfortable with it still, but he seems to genuinely like it.

  8. I will for sure see what I can do, BobGinger. He hasn't done a single thing with another person unless I've asked him to. We've had a few opportunities with friends of his where I don't want him to feel left out, so I ask him to include himself. He's just thrilled about the idea of me picking up guys over lunch, having a live in girlfriend (for me only) and any other number of things where he just "imagines" what is going on. I'm supposed to cultivate some side relationships, and he just wants to be the "main one" at home.

  9. AH Writes: I have never tried too hard to figure out why I like this so much. AW wanted me to respond to you. I have been thinking most of the day about my reasoning behind all of this. The only rule I need followed is no secrets. I don't see it as cheating if I know about it. I don't think of it as an affair. Affairs imply feelings, and the general need to cover things up. I however view AW's actions as sex only. I feel confident in knowing that she is mine (not the creepy way everyone may rightly worry about, but more the innocent valentines cards we had as children.) I am content knowing that she wants me. While I know she is not fully comfortable with this I try not to push for it when she is not in the mood. Not that I am trying to defend my thoughts. I can't rationally explain them. I was not raised around any of this. If you had ask me 10 years ago I would have said hell no. But I will give you some of the possible reasons to my thoughts. While I never want her to be hurt period. I would also be put off if someone would try picking her up at the bar. She and I married when she was younger. I don't know if I feel if she has not sewn her wild oats. But I know that in her short sexlife she has had more partners then I. She and I have no secrets. I would find myself getting aroused at stories of her past exploits. She told me she wanted to be with a girl. That is where it really started. We met with a couple where the girl was bi. The swinging husband donned a condom and AW seemed interested. It was fun to snap some pics while this was going down. I have been cheated on in nearly every relationship I have been in. Not that I am a bad guy. I usually get the I think of you as a big brother. It could be that my poly thoughts act as a defense against being hurt. If I give you permission you can't cheat. It could be that we live in a porn driven world where explicit images seemingly become more prevalent in our daily lives. It could be that I just want her to be happy despite my own feelings. The sluttier she is the more it turns me on. I love to see her with men and women. She always uses condoms unless we know factly that they are STD free. I would love her to go bareback but I know that is not practical or safe. I don’t really have any desire to be with anyone else while with her. I could never cheat on her. While I keep getting interrupted while I write this and my thoughts are scattered I hope that this gives you some insight to how or why people live like this. I love her foremost with no question. I know that she loves me. I would love for her to have a wife of her own. She needs more girl time in her life. Not necessarily for hot lovin action, but someone to chat with. But hot loving action after a day of doing girl things would be the icing on the cake. I would love to make them both dinner and sent them off to the bedroom while I watch a movie or do something else. While I would not say no to the occasional invite with them I don’t think I would ever pursue it myself. It could be that the more promiscuous she is the more she will learn to please me. However she is an incredible lover. It could be that she is so good that I feel she should share her natural talent with the world. I don’t need poly to love her. She don’t need more lovers to love me. If she wants to get laid she is welcome to. I just need to know where she is, and that she is safe. If anyone would hurt her there is no where he could hide that I would not find him. While I love her to be promiscuous. That is not why I am with her. We have been together 7 years. Only 2 years have we lived this life. I have no problem with monogamy and I don’t think it’s a dirty word. I don’t know if I have taken the “if you love someone set them free” thing a bit too far. But she can give her body freely to anyone she chooses. But our hearts are one. That means more to me than any fetish I may have.