Peanut: the edge of my bra is poking me in the armpit. wtf is the edge of my bra even DOING in my armpit, that is the question
Peanut: this is clearly a stupidly designed bra
hussyred: just take it off
Peanut: I am strongly considering it but then I'd be both saggy and nipply
Peanut: I can't really go incognito bra-less
hussyred: free your boobs
hussyred: its like an en vogue song
Peanut: it's like 2 degrees in this office
Peanut: i would end up typing unintentionally with my nipples
hussyred: yeah, hilarity would ensue
Peanut: IM to coworker: e tihgbn !
me: sorry. that was from my boobs.
Peanut: I'm sure the day would be great from there on out
hussyred: you would have admirers from afar
Peanut: I might get a raise
Peanut: ...albeit not a monetary one. *rimshot*
Peanut: GET IT? GET IT? penis joke.
hussyred: yes, thank you for the explanation
Peanut: boss: so what have you gotten done today?
me: well, I made a pretty good penis joke.
boss: *high five*
I am sure that is how that will go.
Peanut: although if we high five i might poke out his eye with a nip, so I should be careful
hussyred: you should
hussyred: eye patches galore throughout your office
Peanut: maybe we can bedazzle the eye patches later. it will be a fun team building activity.
hussyred: ugh this day suuuuucks
Peanut: well, it does NOW, because I'm out of penis jokes
hussyred: well, that's super sad
Peanut: SO'S YOUR PENIS
Peanut: that doesn't work as well as "your mama" jokes does it?
Peanut: I had a msg on OKC from a dude: "would very much like to hang with a cute funny goofball like you. I'd be super pleased if you'd read my profile and let me know your thoughts."
Peanut: now with a smooth and hilarious opening like that, how could i NOT want to write him back?
Peanut: wait... does he want a business meeting? or a date?
Peanut: I'm half-tempted to write him back and say, "dude, loosen your undies and try again. you sound like you're trying to find someone to proofread your essay for English class instead of trying to get your mack on."
Genie: oh! i'm pretty sure my mom's lesbo cousin thinks you're my lesbo lover
Genie: hope that's ok with you
Peanut: you're pretty cute and we have fun together
Peanut: plus you let me date other people
Genie: it's really a win/win