Tuesday, September 20, 2011

On Dating

I got back on OKC a few days ago. I was a little surprised to see that the Swede had already re-joined and was making changes to his profile - we'd both deactivated our accounts, but he was saved as a "favorite" on mine from when we were first emailing, and as soon as I re-activated and logged in, OKC was all "Guess what the Swede has been up to!" Oh. Timestamped a whole 2 days after the breakup, even? Well... all right then.

Once I was done processing that information, I went ahead and started revamping my own profile. Namely, I added the following:

I am not, in fact, actively seeking a monogamous relationship. Being single is pretty rad and I quite enjoy it. That said, I'm also not looking for any kind of "friends with benefit" arrangements - that implies a lack of emotional intimacy and accountability that I find pointless. I'm also not against the idea of finding myself in a monogamous relationship, but it's not something I'm trying for or willing to rush into.

Not only do I feel good about that, but also it's massively reduced the number of messages I receive. The ones who are all about A Relationship and Finding That Special Someone NOW are completely put off, and the ones that are just looking for a quick and dirty bang can clearly see that I'm not game. For once, I feel like I've really expressed how I feel about dating without any regard to how that makes me look to anyone else, and it's pretty freeing.

So why did I even bother logging back on the site? Well... to be frank, I like looking around. It's fun. I enjoy poking around and seeing who's out there. I used to have a blank profile just for that purpose. At this point, I'm leaving my profile there and filled in case I do find myself wanting to Find Someone, plus I'm open to the idea of meeting someone who piques my interest and isn't pushing for something major. Basically: options are open.

But on the whole, right now I have very little interest in dating. I'm enjoying looking, and sometimes a little fantasizing (let's be fair), but acting on it? Naaaah.

Who has time to date when there are so many books to be read, TV shows and movies to be watched, video games to be played, bubble baths to be taken, websites to be perused, work to be done, friends to be seen, cats to be pet, naps to be had... fo' realz, yo, when am I supposed to fit in dating?

The downside is that there are also still blogs to be written, and without actively dating I will have to try to recall stories from my past to share. The other downside is lack of sexy times for yours truly, but I'm sure if the need grows great enough, I will find a way to *cough* fill that void. I'm working on connecting with friends old and new without sex as a buffer for my social anxiety and awkwardness... we'll see how well I do.

That said, who wants to hear a story of a ridiculously drunk threesome I was in years ago that involved whiskey and peanut butter? Hands in the air!


  1. As much as I love whiskey and peanut butter (and threesomes), that sounds like a terrible combination.

  2. Amber, wasn't I your first girl kiss? :)