Thursday, August 18, 2011


The word "stigma" always makes me think of astigmatism. Is there a stigma about astigmatism? I know there's still a bit of one about online dating.

"Online dating"... makes it sound like you're doing the dating online, which is usually not the case when someone mentions it. Generally they're referring to one of the many sites out there set up to help people meet dates/partners/lovers/whatever: match, okcupid, eharmony, etc.

I've already mentioned that I have used okcupid in the past. For the most part, I just sort of poke at it, message a few people here and there, but rarely actually meet dudes I chat with. I grow bored with them quickly, or they didn't interest me in the first place, or I just decide that I really don't want to be bothered with dating after all. It's exhausting and especially in the last year or so, I've really enjoyed being single. I have dated, sure, but casually. I haven't felt the need to go places with someone, to hold hands in public, to text someone about his day or to say goodnight. I liked not checking in with anyone when I wanted to make plans; not sharing my bed; not worrying about shaving my legs; not fretting that if I eat that macaroni and cheese, I will be tooting the evening away.

Now I have a boyfriend.

And we met via okcupid. For some reason, I really want a better "how we met" story. Despite my acceptance of online dating, and having no issues with many of my friends having met via dating sites, I always wanted my story to be more... romantic, somehow.

For one, saying we met on a dating site implies we were both seeking relationships. I can't speak for him, but I know I wasn't. I'm not sure what made me keep talking to him, or agree to meet him, but I did. That in itself was unusual for me. And then I told him right off the bat that I was not all commit-y, that I was in fact seeing someone else (I had a date planned with another dude I'd met at a concert a few days before he and I met in person). I was heading him off at the commitment pass, warning him not to expect much. And he, to his credit, said that was understandable but that he wasn't going anywhere.

Well, about a month later, after spending considerable amounts of time together and chatting online, I looked the Swede in the eyes and said, "hey. Wanna be my boyfriend?" Because I am 12.

He draws me penes with hats, and really, what more can a girl ask for in a boyfriend? He makes me laugh like I'm trying to get a six-pack without doing crunches, and he tells me I'm pretty about every 10 minutes. Plus, he has an awesome dog.

But how we met? Why does it bother me that my answer is "a dating site" instead of some cute story about bumping into each other at the grocery store? When someone tells me they met online, my reaction is always along the lines of, "awesome!" I guess underneath this cynical shell, I have a deeply embedded Romantic, who wants an adorable How We Met story.

I guess we'll just have to make one up ourselves! Suggestions? My idea about how we met in Thailand when I was there for gender reassignment surgery and how he was so sweet and wonderful and caring that he inadvertently convinced me that I did in fact want to remain a woman and in fact HIS woman was soon deemed far too complicated and potentially incendiary to work.


  1. Yes. I get that completely. "Meeting cute" is this weird ideal. I wanted to come up with a "good" story, but then got far too lazy. (And I happen to like the real story just fine anyway.) And plus, when I tell people we met online, people are still kinda incredulous that it actually worked, despite how many years society has been doing this. Weird.

    Also, congrats. He sounds nifty.

  2. I like telling people I met my wife at a dog fighting match in san diego. We met during the payout and decided to get drinks and goto a donkey show in mexico.

  3. I say make it up on the spot, wildly different, every time someone asks. Mortician's school. During a bank robbery. Underground documentary on the life of bears.

  4. Joe and I met on OkCupid. It is the best (and I use that term loosely) dating website in my opinion. 5+ years and two weddings later, I'd say it was helpful for finding a lasting relationship.