I keep wanting to post something funny, or meaningful, or at least sort of entertaining, but the only thing rolling around my head is "everything hurts." I want to express myself, put what I'm feeling into words, give this monster a face so I can fight it, but again: all I seem to be able to say is "everything hurts." I'm like a 4 year old unable to stop crying and point out the owies after tumbling ass-over-ears down a rocky hillside for what feels like years. What hurts? Your tummy? Your knee? Your head? Everything. Everything hurts.
Yep, that awful depression from October has swung back by. I don't want to see people, I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to do a damn thing. All my energy is being used up trying to avoid thoughts of ... well, that bad dark stuff that nobody is supposed to talk about but that everyone who has ever suffered from genuine depression is all too familiar with. My only comfort at the moment is that I know I'm strong enough to keep fighting that off until this passes. The downside is that I'm slowly losing the strength to do anything but that.
These snow/ice days keeping me from making it in to the office have been a blessing for me. And now a weekend with no plans looms, and I couldn't be more relieved. Feeling like a total failure at pretty much every single aspect of life is exhausting, and if there's one thing I know I can succeed at, it's wasting a whole lot of time without ever leaving my home. Weekend? Let's succeed at THAT.