I keep trying to write here, but I'm having trouble thinking of funny dating/sex stories from my past. I know I said I would write about divorce, but every time I try, I get all worked up and pissed off and that just sucks.
Part of the problem is that this is a really hard time of year for me. As a perpetually single woman, I often get really sad about that fact. The holidays make being single that much rougher, not to mention the shitty weather here (and knowing the shitty weather has another 4 or 5 months to go), the fact that I hate the cold (but I love sweaters. Except hand washing them. I'M SO TORN), and oh yeah - fucking Valentine's Day crap already in the stores and that shit looming in the near future. AND as we all know I'm predisposed to some pretty awful bouts of depression anyway, which makes everything SO MUCH MORE FUN.
SO
my point is it's been hard to update this damn thing. But today! TODAY! an update! Right now I'm picturing the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail where there was much rejoicing (yaaaay). I'm still a bit rusty on the writing, though, so I'm copping out and giving you a chat log from this morning.
Peanut: I was thinking about my life last night and trying to think of the good stuff
Peanut: and really, my life is pretty okay. there's bad stuff and I'm always stressed about money, but it's still pretty okay.
Genie: I could hug you right now
Genie: I feel like what you just said has been the theme of my week
Genie: it's just really easy to focus on the bad things that are happening
Genie: but there's always going to be shit in your life and who wants to be (or be around) a person who bitches about everything in their life
Genie: and you're right - we really do have a lot of good things going for us
Peanut: like how we did tiny lists of things we're grateful for the other day. but I was trying to think bigger picture
Peanut: I have a small number of friends I consider close
Peanut: then I have loads of people who are friends that I'm always happy to see
Peanut: then even more people that I enjoy interacting with on FB and such, and I'm happy to see them a couple times a year
Peanut: I have a family that I mostly disagree with but they love me and would support me if I needed it - Mom is always trying to send me money, and I know I could move back in and they'd help me if I really fell apart (they've done it before)
Peanut: I have a brother I never see but we get along and we love each other
Peanut: I have a fantastic cat, I can afford to live alone in a great neighborhood, I have a car and I never go hungry and I can afford small luxuries. I like my job most of the time and I think I'm good at it. I think my coworkers respect me.
Peanut: so what if I'm single? is that really the worst thing in the world? it gets lonely sometimes but I know I'll meet someone someday.
Genie: you're SO right. we have A LOT
Genie: and you're also right that being single = being lonely but there are much worse things than being lonely every now and then
Peanut: yep! we could be stuck with the wrong partner and be lonely but feel trapped and sad
Peanut: we could live in a giant house with 20 other people
Peanut: in a closet sized bedroom
Peanut: we could have to live on Ramen! I've done that. it's lame.
Peanut: I was very, very skinny
Peanut: more than once in my life I've had to work 2 part time shit jobs just to pay my bills. I feel like I've come really far
Genie: amen!
Genie: you HAVE come really far
Genie: i think it's sometimes easy to foget how far you've come
Genie: I know it is for me
Peanut: okay, your turn then!
Peanut: it feels good to list it and remind yourself
Genie: a list of all the good things? here it go...
Genie: i have 2 pretty wonderful parents who love me unconditionally and would give me sweet moolah if i ever needed it. i have a huge wonderful family who provide me w love and entertainment (because those fools are crazy). i have a pretty amazing horse who really is my horsey soul mate. my cats are pretty great too (even if I cant get their hair off my pants today). i have a job thats easy and...
Genie: allows me to do whatever i want on a daily basis. i have health insurance. i have a beautiful place to keep my horse at 50% the cost is should be. my boobs dont sag
Genie: and i have amazing friends
Genie: ahhhhh...that was nice
Peanut: right?
Peanut: I think we just wrote my next blog post, since I haven't updated in eleventy billion years
Genie: i love that idea!
Genie: and yeah...update that shit. i need more blogs to read
Peanut: I never did write the one about divorce
Peanut: because every time I tried to I got really angry
Peanut: and that makes it hard to be funny
Genie: true that
Genie: maybe wait on that shit. why rush it?
Peanut: no need to bring everybody down!
Genie: right? you can be real and honest about something w/o making everyone who reads it want to slit their wrists
Peanut: true dat yo
It's always hard to remember the good things that happen during the year because they're weighed down by all the bad that's easy to remember.
ReplyDeleteI think last years highlights were going to 3 friends weddings, kayaking and hiking during the summer.
You're right... the bad stuff seems to weigh more, almost physically. It's hard to escape from under that and remember what's good, especially when the good stuff is ongoing and gets taken for granted (like friends you've had forever, etc).
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