Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Maybe This Time

Despite the fact that I know every time I enter a similar situation, I get a similar outcome, I've realized that I can't seem to stop doing it.

There's a hopeless romantic inside of me, and to be honest I'm pretty sure she was dropped on her head as an imaginary inner voice baby, because bitch just does not learn. I look at a situation and I go, "ohhhh. This is bad news. I should not allow my feelings to enter into this." That stupid thing inside me pipes up, at first sort of quiet but soon more insistent, "but... you know... x, y, and z are different this time... so... maaaaybeeeeee..."

Me: You idiot. A, b, and c are the same. It's going to turn out the same. You know it, I know it, everyone fucking knows it!

Inner Voice Twerp: ...okay, but! Science! In an experiment, if you leave a, b, and c the same but change x, y, and z, you can get totally different results! It's FACT! You can't argue with that. You're logical. You can't refute SCIENCE.

Me: ....harrumph.

IVT: Oh come on. These feelings are good! They're happy! And I could be right this time. Just because I've been wrong ... umm... a lot of times before, that doesn't necessarily mean I won't be right this time! It only takes once!

Me: ...That's... true. Hmm. Well... okay...


And let me tell you, that Pollyanna bitch hasn't been right a single damn time yet, and she is never anywhere to be found when the whole thing falls apart at my feet. I suppose that leads to the question of why I bother listening to her. Why I keep jumping back in and trying over and over. Am I like a Don Quixote, charging windmills, completely foolish but kind of admirably brave? Or is this just flat-out idiocy?

Do I listen to my head, or to my heart?

Right now, there's nothing to listen to either way, so it seems like a good time to muse about it... quick, let's talk while the delusional romantic bitch is sleeping!


  1. Okay, I admit that I don't really have a pony in this race on account of the happily married since a long long time ago. That said, I try to maintain my optimism and so I'm with IVT. And I like you lots and lots and believe that somewhere there is a person longing for exactly you, they just don't know it yet.

    Also, I now have Kristen Chenoweth's version of that song stuck in my head... so thanks for that. /continues humming

    1. How do you think I came up with the title? ;) I've been humming it since I wrote this...