Friday, October 25, 2013

The List of Insanity

I promised a list!  Everyone here loves lists, right?  Good!

But there's really only one list that I'm capable of writing.

I want to make this clear: none of these points make anyone a bad person.  But they do mean you (or your loved one) should seek advice from a trustworthy professional.  Remember: it's okay to not be normal.  Just be aware of that fine line between "eccentric" and "batshit crazy."

Signs that you (or someone you know) might be crazy:
  1. Your house is in a decent neighborhood, but there's wax paper over all of the windows "so no one can see in"
  2. Your house is covered in security cameras
  3. You never leave your house (and you have a new excuse whenever anyone asks)
  4. You crouch down in your car if you do leave your house, "so no one will notice"
  5. You're always afraid of something
  6. The Enemy (the culprit behind all of your unhappiness) changes on a weekly basis
  7. You have proof that The Enemy exists: it's a grainy, pitch black image taken by a cheap security camera at night
  8. Those dirty smears on the skylight (which hasn't been cleaned in years) are actually threatening messages written by The Enemy, but no one believes you
  9. The police "never do anything" with your police reports (which means they must be in league with The Enemy)
  10. The Enemy is "pure evil"
  11. You never get rid of anything (and you say you're "about to start going through it" if anyone asks)
  12. You use an old SUV that can't move anymore as a large trash container
  13. You always think that if someone asks for one thing, they actually need a box of those things
  14. Your house is full of things you don't need and don't have a place for
  15. You keep buying more things because it makes you feel better
  16. As soon as anything goes missing, even inside your house, you immediately think it was stolen
  17. You use a shovel to scoop your cat's litter box
  18. You keep a plastic bin full of cat hair that you brushed off of a cat you had five years ago
  19. Family and friends watch the news/hoarding shows expecting to see you on TV
  20. The cat puke on the rug has been there for five years
  21. You think you're the only person who can stop The Enemy/catch the thieves/save the kittens
  22. You believe no one will take you seriously unless you exaggerate things a little bit (but it's not the same as lying, because you'd never lie)
  23. You're capable of justifying anything that you say or do, because you'd never say or do anything wrong
  24. When your family brings up the possibility of therapy or something being wrong, you get defensive and claim they need therapy
  25. You are the unhappiest person you know
If you want to hear more about any of those points in particular, just leave a comment.  Otherwise, I'll start going through stories as I see fit.  Mwahahahahah!

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry that anyone in the world is or has been like this. This makes my heart sad :(