This Post Might Make You Hungry

Another wonderful afternoon conversation with Mrs. H! I love being the person that everyone knows they can come to when they have a completely random question/statement, especially about sex. Because my reaction is never, "WTF??" It's always a serious consideration and response. I'm not known for bothering with segues myself, so why should anyone else? And I'm always up (get it? GET IT?) for talking about sex.

Mrs. H: food+sex=super hot? Why is that a thing on tv and in movies and stuff? Maybe it's my laziness and not wanting to clean up a bunch of stuff, but that does not sound even remotely sexy to me.

BobGinger: I agree that food does not have a place in my pants.

Mrs. H:  you may be asking yourself where this is coming from. Allow me to tell you...


I finally ate "lunch" about 30 minutes ago. Mr. H and I were emailing.

Mr. H: whatcha eatin'?
Mrs. H: crackers with peanut butter
Mr: H: what is it with you and peanut butter? So, hawt sexy sex or peanut butter?
Mrs. H: hawt sex, of course... but probably with a spoonful of peanut butter afterwards.
Mr. H: thank you for not saying "both"

I do not feel that food belongs anywhere near my naughty bits thankyouverymuch

BobGinger: I can officially state for the record, based on experience, that PB has no place in sex. It is VERY hard to clean out of one's belly button.

Mrs. H: Despite my love of peanut butter, it seems like it would be particularly troublesome. Someone else I know mentioned honey once and again... so sticky.

BobGinger: I know a lot of people are all about whipped cream but I'm lactose intolerant

Mrs. H: I'm all for trying interesting and new (to a degree)... but food+sex=mess. And so many of the foods people suggest are so sugary that unless you finish thisquick, things are going to start getting sticky and that's not fun.

BobGinger: maybe you're supposed to have sex on plastic wrap, like painter's sheets.

Mrs H: here's the thing with the plastic sheets... it sort of kills the spontenaity doesn't it?

BobGinger: sometimes sex is planned...  to make it a big romantic affair and stuff. but plastic sheets aren't sexy to me. *crinkle crinkle*

Mrs. H: right. I just feel like sex can (and on occasion should) include snacks, but I don't want to lick them off

BobGinger: how would you incorporate the snacks? Like, a lunchable on the belly? What would be a good food to balance on boobs? Upside-down ice cream cones are too obvious and too dry.

Mrs. H: depends on the boobs I suppose. If you've got wee little bits, those Bugles chips would work.

BobGinger: oh yes, if the nips are small and perky. Even if the rest of the boob is larger, that would be cute.

Mrs. H: like a party hat

BobGinger: I just pictured a penis in a party hat... and now I'm probably going to laugh my face off next time I see a penis.

Mrs. H: Lucky fella

BobGinger: I feel I should issue a blanket apology to this future penis

Mrs. H: as long as there is no peanut butter, honey or other sugary snacks, I'm sure the penis will forgive you

BobGinger: good point. I want the party hat to have a little pink tuft on top. Or! it could wear a shriner hat.

Mrs. H: bad news: when I googled "tiny shriner's hat" there were remarkably few results

BobGinger: that makes me sad. We should find a way to remedy that. No penis should be without a shriner's hat if it wants one,

Mrs. H: agreed. I wonder if I can crochet one? I have a feeling that Mr. H would refuse to let me use him for a model for that. He has too much respect for the shriners for that.

BobGinger: you're lucky, you'd only have to make one size. A girl with my lifestyle would need to have a variety of sizes on hand.

Mrs. H: True. We could launch a whole line of penis hats though. What penis wouldn't want an Indiana Jones hat?

BobGinger: I think getting an Indiana Jones hat for your wiener is a little cocky. HEYOOOO!

Mrs. H: cowboy hats! A stetson for the little cowboy

Swede: well, first you gotta deal with logistics: how do you get the hat to stay on? Keeping one on an erect penis wouldn't be too hard (hah), but once it starts to droop, you're in trouble.

Mrs. H: but by that point, hopefully, he's been invited inside and it's only polite to remove your hat when going in.

Swede: and you can't size it for the deflated penis, or it'll rip Hulk style when you DO get a boner. ...though that would be a sight to see. I'M SO HOT FOR YOU, GRRRR *tiny rrrrip*

BobGinger: these are excellent points that we hadn't considered!

Swede: But if she puts a hat on me wont that restrict her access to my penis? This would be a bad thing.

BobGinger: ...my blog needs an illustrator.

Swede: I draw a mean dick

BobGinger: but I want a friendly dick. With a jaunty cap.

Swede: yeah, but I draw them really well. I'm a REAL artist. ...I dont know why I'm so forceful about making the point that my dick drawing skills are formidable.